ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
