This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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