I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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