So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
