I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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