I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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