just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
