so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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