Moan for me like Helen Keller
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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