It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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