There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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