Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
