No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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