How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
