Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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