I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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