i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
