In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am one with the molecules
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
