His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
