I love black thongs
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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