Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
