ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm having to shit out rocks
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