u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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