Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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