Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
