I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
