Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
