yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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