yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
