Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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