she was so not down for the gang bang
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
