The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
