I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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