This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
In America we eat man semen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
