please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize