It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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