there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
