Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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