She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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