using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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