It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
