Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
