she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
