Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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