i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize