I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
