if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Your dad touched me again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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