You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
