So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
