I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
