In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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