I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
