You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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