we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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