Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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