Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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