I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
