just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
