Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
