Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
