.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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