I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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