I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
