If that was your dad, he is hot
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
