I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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