found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
