I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
