There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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